Welcome to the Pilot Theatre – part 1

Pay No Attention to the ROI Behind the Curtain.

The lights are dim. In the sterile conference room, under the low hum of the servers, the show is about to begin. This isn’t Broadway. This is the “pilot theater,” the grand stage where innovation is performed, not delivered. We see the impressive demos, the slick dashboards, the confident talk of transformation. It’s a magnificent production. But pull back the curtain, and you’ll find him: a nervous man, bathed in the glow of a monitor, frantically pulling levers. He’s following a script, a framework, a process so perfectly executed that everyone has forgotten to ask if the city of Oz he’s projecting is even real.

The data, when you can find it in the dark, is grim. A staggering 95% of generative AI programs fail to deliver any real value. The stage is littered with the ghosts of failed pilots. We’ve become so obsessed with the performance of progress that we’ve forgotten the point of it. The man behind the curtain is a master of Agile ceremonies, his stand-ups are flawless, his retrospectives insightful. He can tell you, with perfect clarity, that the team followed the process beautifully. But when you ask him what they were supposed to be delivering, his eyes go blank. The script didn’t mention that part.

And now, a new script has arrived. It has a name, of course. They always do. This one is called SHAPE.


The New Framework Stares Back

The SHAPE index was born from the wreckage of that 95%. It’s a framework meant to identify the five key behaviors of leaders who can actually escape the theater and build something real. It’s supposed to be our map out of Oz. But in a world that worships the map over the destination, we must ask: Is this a tool for the leader, or is the leader just becoming a better-trained tool for the framework? Is this a way out, or just a more elaborate set of levers to pull?

Let’s look at the five acts of this new play.

Act I: Strategic Agility

The script says a leader must plan for the long term while pivoting in the short term. In the theater, this is a beautiful piece of choreography. The leader stands at the whiteboard, decisively moving charts around, declaring a “pivot.” It looks like genius. It feels like action. But too often, it’s just rearranging the props on stage. The underlying set—the core business problem—remains unchanged. The applause is for the performance of agility, not the achievement of a better position.

Act II: Human Centricity

Here, the actor-leader must perform empathy. They must quell the rising anxiety of the workforce. The mantra, repeated with a fixed smile, is: “AI will make humans better.” It sounds reassuring, but the chill remains. The change is designed in closed rooms and rolled out from the top down. Psychological safety isn’t a culture; it’s a talking point in a town hall. The goal isn’t to build trust, but to manage dissent just enough to keep the show from being cancelled.

Act III: Applied Curiosity

This act requires the leader to separate signal from the deafening hype. So, the theater puts on a dazzling display of “disciplined experimentation.” New, shiny AI toys are paraded across the stage. Each pilot has a clear learning objective, a report is dutifully filed, and then… nothing. The learning isn’t applied; it’s archived. The point was never to learn; it was to be seen learning. The experiments are just another scene, designed to convince the audience that something, anything, is happening.

Act IV: Performance Drive

This is where the term “pilot theater” comes directly from the script. The curtain falls on the pilot, and the applause is thunderous. Success is declared. But when you ask what happens next, how it scales, how it delivers that fabled ROI, you’re met with silence. The cast is already rehearsing for the next pilot, the next opening night. Success is measured in the activity of the performance, not the revenue at the box office. The show is celebrated, but the business quietly bleeds.

Act V: Ethical Stewardship

The final, haunting act. This part of the script is often left on the floor, only picked up when a crisis erupts. A reporter calls. A dataset is found to be biased. Suddenly, the theater puts on a frantic, ad-libbed performance of responsibility. Governance is bolted on like a cheap prop. It’s an afterthought, a desperate attempt to manage the fallout after the curtain has been torn down and the audience sees the wizard for what he is: just a man, following a script that was fundamentally flawed from the start.


Are We the Shapers, or Are We Being Shaped?

The good news, the researchers tell us, is that these five SHAPE capabilities can be taught. It’s a comforting thought. But in the eerie glow of the pilot theater, a darker question emerges: Are we teaching leaders to be effective, or are we just teaching them to be better actors?

We’ve been here before with Agile, with Six Sigma, with every framework that promised a revolution and instead delivered a new form of ritual. We perfect the process and forget the purpose. We fall in love with the intricate levers and the booming voice they produce, and we never step out from behind the curtain to see if anyone is even listening anymore.

The SHAPE index gives us a language to describe the leaders we need. But it also gives us a new, more sophisticated script to hide behind. And as we stand here, in the perpetual twilight of the pilot theater, the most important question isn’t whether our leaders have SHAPE. It’s whether we are the shapers, or if we are merely, and quietly, being shaped.

AI, Agile, and Accidental Art Theft

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the business world is for, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. This certainly goes a long way to explaining the current corporate strategy for dealing with Artificial Intelligence, which is to largely ignore it, in the same way that a startled periwinkle might ignore an oncoming bulldozer, hoping that if it doesn’t make any sudden moves the whole “unsettling” situation will simply settle down.

This is, of course, a terrible strategy, because while everyone is busy not looking, the bulldozer is not only getting closer, it’s also learning to draw a surprisingly good, yet legally dubious, cartoon mouse.

We live in an age of what is fashionably called “Agile,” a term which here seems to mean “The Art of Controlled Panic.” It’s a frantic, permanent state of trying to build the aeroplane while it’s already taxiing down the runway, fueled by lukewarm coffee and a deep-seated fear of the next quarterly review. For years, the panic-release valve was off-shoring. When a project was on fire, you could simply bundle up your barely coherent requirements and fling them over the digital fence to a team in another time zone, hoping they’d throw back a working solution before morning.

Now, we have perfected this model. AI is the new, ultimate off-shoring. The team is infinitely scalable, works for pennies, and is located somewhere so remote it isn’t even on a map. It’s in “The Cloud,” a place that is reassuringly vague and requires no knowledge of geography whatsoever.

The problem is, this new team is a bit weird. You still need that one, increasingly stressed-out human—let’s call them the Prompt Whisperer—to translate the frantic, contradictory demands of the business into a language the machine will understand. They are the new middle manager, bridging the vast, terrifying gap between human chaos and silicon logic. But there’s a new, far more alarming, item in their job description.

You see, the reason this new offshore team is so knowledgeable is because it has been trained by binge-watching the entire internet. Every film, every book, every brand logo, every cat picture, and every episode of every cartoon ever made. And as the ongoing legal spat between the Disney/Universal behemoth and the AI art platform Midjourney demonstrates, the hangover from this creative binge is about to kick in with the force of a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster.

The issue, for any small business cheerfully using an AI to design their new logo, is one of copyright. In the US, they have a principle called “fair use,” which is a wonderfully flexible and often confusing set of rules. In the UK, we have “fair dealing,” which is a narrower, more limited set of rules that is, in its own way, just as confusing. If the difference between the two seems unclear, then congratulations, you have understood the central point perfectly: you are almost certainly in trouble.

The AI, you see, doesn’t create. It remixes. And it has no concept of ownership. Ask it to design a logo for your artisanal doughnut shop, and it might cheerfully serve up something that looks uncannily like the beloved mascot of a multi-billion-dollar entertainment conglomerate. The AI isn’t your co-conspirator; it’s the unthinking photocopier, and you’re the one left holding the legally radioactive copy. Your brilliant, cost-effective branding exercise has just become a business-ending legal event.

So, here we are, practicing the art of controlled panic on a legal minefield. The new off-shored intelligence is a powerful, dangerous, and creatively promiscuous force. That poor Prompt Whisperer isn’t just briefing the machine anymore; they are its parole officer, desperately trying to stop it from cheerfully plagiarizing its way into oblivion. The only thing that hasn’t “settled down” is the dust from the first wave of cease-and-desist letters. And they are, I assure you, on their way.

Hiring Ghosts & Other Modern Inconveniences

So, LinkedIn, in its infinite, algorithmically-optimised wisdom, sent me an email and posed a question: Has generative AI transformed how you hire?

Oh, you sweet, innocent, content-moderated darlings. Has the introduction of the self-service checkout had any minor, barely noticeable effect on the traditional art of conversing with a cashier? Has the relentless efficiency of Amazon Prime in any way altered our nostalgic attachment to a Saturday afternoon browse down the local high street? Has the invention of streaming services had any small impact on the business model of your local Blockbuster video?

Yes. Duh.

You see, the modern hiring process is no longer about finding a person for a role. It is a wonderfully ironic Turing Test in reverse. The candidate, a squishy carbon-based lifeform full of anxieties and a worrying coffee dependency, uses a vast, non-sentient silicon brain to convince you they are worthy. You, another squishy carbon-based lifeform, must then use your own flawed, meat-based intuition to decide if the ghost in their machine is a good fit for the ghost in your machine.

The CV is dead. It is a relic, a beautifully formatted PDF of lies composed by a language model that has read every CV ever written and concluded that the ideal candidate is a rock-climbing, volunteer-firefighting, Python-coding polymath who is “passionate about synergy.” The cover letter? It’s a work of algorithmically generated fiction, a poignant, computer-dreamed ode to a job it doesn’t understand for a company it has never heard of.

So, are you hiring a person, or the AI-powered spectre of that person? A LinkedIn profile is no longer a testament to a career; it’s a monument to successful prompt engineering.

To truly prove consciousness in 2025, a candidate needs a blog. A podcast. A YouTube channel where they film themselves, unshaven and twitching, wrestling with a piece of code while muttering about the futility of existence. We require a verifiable, time-stamped proof of life to show they haven’t simply outsourced their entire professional identity to a subscription service.

Meanwhile, the Great Career Shuffle accelerates. An entire car-crash multitude of ex-banking staff, their faces etched with the horror of irrelevance, are now desperately rebranding as “AI strategists.” The banks themselves are becoming quaint, like steam museums, while the real action—the glorious, three-month contracts of frantic, venture-capital-fueled chaos—is in the AI startups.

It all feels so familiar. It’s that old freelance feeling, where your CV wasn’t a document but a long list of weapons in your arsenal. You needed a bow with a string for every conceivable software battle. One week it was pure HTML+CSS. The next, you were a warrior in the trenches of the Great Plugin Wars, wrestling the bloated, beautiful behemoth of Flash until, almost overnight, it was rendered obsolete by the sleek, sanctimonious assassin that was HTML5.

The backend was a wilder frontier. A company demanded you wrestle with the hydra of PHP, be it WordPress, Drupal, or the dark arts of Magento if a checkout was involved. For a brief, shining moment, everything was meant to be built on the elegant railway tracks of Ruby. Then came the Javascript Tsunami, a wave so vast it swept over both the front and back ends, leaving a tangled mess that developers are still trying to untangle to this day.

And the enterprise world? A mandatory pilgrimage to the great, unkillable temple of Java. The backend architecture evolved from the stuffy, formal rituals of SOAP APIs to the breezy, freewheeling informality of REST. Then came the Great Atomisation, an obsession with breaking monoliths into a thousand tiny microservices, putting each one in a little digital box with Docker, and then hiring an entirely new army of engineers just to plumb all the boxes back together again. If you had a bit of COBOL, the banks would pay you a king’s ransom to poke their digital dinosaurs. A splash of SQL always won the day.

On top of all this, the Agile evangelists descended, an army of Scrum Masters who achieved sentience overnight and promptly promoted themselves to “Agile Coaches,” selling certifications and a brand of corporate mindfulness that fixed precisely nothing. All of it, every last trend, every rise and fall and rise again of Java, was just a slow, inexorable death march towards the beige, soul-crushing mediocracy of the Microsoft stack—a sprawling empire of .NET and Azure so bland and full of holes that every junior hacker treats it as a welcome mat.

AI is just the latest, shiniest weapon to add to the rack.

So, in the spirit of this challenge, here are my Top Tips for Candidates Navigating This New World:

  1. Stop Writing Your CV. Your new job is to become the creative director for the AI that writes your CVs for you. Learn its quirks. Feed it your soul. Your goal is not to be the best candidate, but to operate the best candidate-generating machine.
  2. Manufacture Authenticity. That half-finished blog post from 2019? Resurrect it. That opinion you had about coffee? Turn it into a podcast. Your real CV is your digital footprint. Prove you exist beyond a series of prompts.
  3. Embrace Glorious Insecurity. The job you’re applying for will be automated, outsourced, or rendered utterly irrelevant by a new model release in six months anyway. Stop thinking about a career ladder. There is no ladder. There is only a chaotic, unpredictable, exhilarating wave. Learn to surf.

The whole thing is, of course, gloriously absurd. We are using counterfeit intelligence to apply for counterfeit jobs in a counterfeit economy. And we have the audacity to call it progress.

#LinkedInNewsEurope

Trump Show 2.0 and the Agile Singularity

Monday holiday, you’re doom scrolling away. Just a casual dip into the dopamine stream. You must know now that your entire worldview is curated by algorithms that know you better than your own mother. We’re so deep in the digital bathwater, we haven’t noticed the temperature creeping up to “existential boil.” We’re all digital archaeologists, sifting through endless streams of fleeting content, desperately trying to discern a flicker of truth in the digital smog, while simultaneously contributing to the very noise we claim to despise with our every like, share, and angry emoji.

And then there’s the Workplace. Oh, the glorious, soul-crushing Workplace. Agile transformations! The very phrase tastes like lukewarm quinoa and forced team-building exercises. We’re all supposed to be nimble, right? Sprinting towards… what exactly? Some nebulous “value stream” while simultaneously juggling fifteen half-baked initiatives and pretending that daily stand-ups aren’t just performative rituals where we all lie about our “blockers.” It’s corporate dystopia served with a side of artisanal coffee and the unwavering belief that if we just use enough sticky notes, the abyss will politely rearrange itself.

Meanwhile, the Social Media Thunderdome is in full swing. Information? Forget it. It’s all about the narrative, baby. Distorted, weaponised, and mainlined directly into our eyeballs. Fear and confusion are the engagement metrics that truly matter. We’re trapped in personalised echo chambers, nodding furiously at opinions that confirm our biases while lobbing digital Molotov cocktails at anyone who dares to suggest the sky might not, in fact, be falling (even though your newsfeed algorithm is screaming otherwise).

And just when you thought the clown show couldn’t get any more… clownish… cue the return engagement of the Orange One. Trump Show 2: Electric Boogaloo. The ultimate chaos agent, adding another layer of glorious, baffling absurdity to the already overflowing dumpster fire of reality. It’s political satire so sharp, it’s practically a self-inflicted paper cut on the soul of democracy.

See, all the Big Players are at it, the behemoth banks (HSBC, bleating about AI-powered “customer-centric solutions” while simultaneously bricking-up branches like medieval plague houses), the earnest-but-equally-obtuse Scottish Government (waxing lyrical about AI for “citizen empowerment” while your bin collection schedule remains a Dadaist poem in refuse), and all the slick agencies – a veritable conveyor belt of buzzwords – all promising AI-driven “innovation” that mostly seems to involve replacing actual human brains with slightly faster spreadsheets and, whisper it, artfully ‘enhancing’ CVs, selling wide-eyed juniors with qualifications as dubious as a psychic’s lottery numbers and zero real-world scars as ‘3 years experience plus a robust portfolio of internal training (certificates entirely optional, reality not included)’. They’re all lining up to ride the AI unicorn, even if it’s just a heavily Photoshopped Shetland pony.”

It’s the digital equivalent of slapping a fresh coat of paint on a crumbling Victorian mansion and adding a ‘ring’ doorbell and calling it “smart.” They’re all so eager to tell you how AI is going to solve everything. Frictionless experiences! Personalized journeys! Ethical algorithms! (Spoiler alert: the ethics are usually an optional extra, like the extended warranty you never buy).

Ethical algorithms! The unicorns of the tech world. Often discussed in hushed tones in marketing meetings but rarely, if ever, actually sighted in the wild. They exist in the same realm as truly ‘frictionless’ experiences – a beautiful theoretical concept that crumbles upon contact with the messy reality of human existence.

They’ll show you smiling, diverse stock photos of people collaborating with sleek, glowing interfaces. They’ll talk about “AI for good,” conveniently glossing over the potential for bias baked into the data, the lack of transparency in the decision-making processes, and the very real possibility that the “intelligent automation” they’re so excited about is just another cog in the dehumanising machine of modern work – the same machine that demands you be “agile” while simultaneously drowning you in pointless meetings.

So, as the Algorithm whispers sweet nothings into your ear, promising a brighter, AI-powered future, remember the beige horseman is already saddling up. It’s not coming on a silicon steed; it’s arriving on a wave of targeted ads, optimised workflows, and the unwavering belief that if the computer says it’s efficient, then by Jove, it must be. Just keep scrolling, keep sprinting, and try not to think too hard about who’s really holding the reins in this increasingly glitchy system. Your personalised apocalypse is just a few more clicks away.

what i want for christmas

Chris Burden was born in Boston, Massachusetts in 1946. Soon thereafter, his family moved to California. He obtained a B.F.A at Pomona College, Claremont, California and later a M.F.A at the University of California in 1971. The early seventies, the period when Chris Burden produced his first mature works, was characterized by the idea that the truly important, viable art of the future would not be with objects, things that you could simply sell and hang on your wall. Art, instead, would address political, social, environmental and technological change. Earth, performance, body, video, computer, narrative and conceptual art became the new mediums. Burden, with his shockingly simple, unforgettable, “here and now” performances shook the conventional art world and took this new art form to its extreme.

The images of Burden that continue to resonate in public mind is of a young man who had himself shot (Shoot, 1971 At 7:45 p.m. I was shot in the left arm by a friend. The bullet was a copper jacket 22 long rifle. My friend was standing about fifteen feet away from me.) electrocuted, (Doorway to Heaven, 1973), impaled, cut (Back to You, 1974;Through the Night, 1973) , drowned (Velvet Water, 1974), kidnapped, locked up ( Five Day Locker Piece, 1971)…Over the past thirty years Burden has produced a multitude of assemblages, installations, kinetic and static sculptures and scientific models.

Chris Burden works and lives in California.