Behold the scrum: a tangled mass of caffeine fuelled coders, their postures suggesting a desperate attempt to escape the clutches of the dreaded Daily Standup. The Scrum Master, our fearless referee, blows the whistle, signalling the start of another gruelling Daily Standup.

“Yesterday, I worked on the login feature, but I encountered a blocker…” groans the first zombie developer, his voice a monotonous drone.

“I’m still debugging the payment gateway,” mumbles the second, eyes glazed over as he stares into the abyss of his coffee mug.

“I completed my tasks, but I’m waiting for code review,” mutters the third, swaying slightly as if fighting off the urge to take a nap right there on the spot.

And so it continues, a litany of half-finished tasks, unresolved dependencies, and vague promises of future progress. The scrum board looms overhead, a colorful mosaic of sticky notes that seems to mock their collective inertia.

The Scrum Master, ever optimistic, tries to inject some life into the proceedings. “Remember, folks, we are a team! Let’s work together to overcome these challenges!”

But his words fall on deaf ears. The zombie developers, their brains addled by endless sprints and Jira tickets, can only muster a collective grunt in response.

The Daily Standup drags on, a mind-numbing ritual that seems to sap the last vestiges of life from its participants. Finally, the whistle blows again, signaling the end of the ordeal. The zombie developers shuffle back to their desks, leaving a trail of unfinished tasks and unanswered questions in their wake.

Is this the Agile utopia we were promised? A world of collaboration, transparency, and continuous improvement? Or is it just another corporate nightmare, where productivity has been sacrificed on the altar of process?

Perhaps it is time to re-evaluate our approach to Agile. Maybe we need to inject a little more humanity into our daily routines. Or maybe we just need to accept that some days, we are all just zombies, stumbling through the motions until the coffee kicks in.